I’m slowly realizing that life will never be the same once one has committed to the task of raising children. The first two years were pretty straight forward. Sure, it was tough, but we could handle it. We didn’t have to step outside of our comfort zone and problems were solved with simple changes to our schedule or approach. Nothing else really changed, aside from the fact that we abandoned our social life and work life.
Now I am finding myself completely rearranging my brain and my external world to accommodate for the support necessary to give these children the best chance at life. It is easy to see how parents sacrifice everything they have and all they are. But I do not think that is necessary or healthy. But then, how do we find that balance between “me” and “child?” There are parts of me I want my children to know and that I want room for in the family, such as my musical parts. Only today, the first time in 31 months, could I sit down at the piano and ask my daughter to listen and have her do just that. I mean, she was dancing, but she wasn’t crying or pushing me off of the bench, or banging the keys.
I always had this vision of playing music for my children. I would play them to sleep, or play Chopin or Bach to keep them company while they played quietly on the floor. Unfortunately, I did not have such children. So I had to let go of that idea. Now I am struggling to find a way of letting that part of me coexist.
Now we are getting into the intricacies of discipline (which you will notice by my upcoming book reviews) and growing independence through potty training and sleeping in a regular bed. I plan on starting a two day per week preschool at home. Things are really changing now. And since I set out for this blog to document our songs and such because music is such a big part of our day to day life, I hope to focus on that more. I just find that I’m lucky to get the few posts in per month that I do!
Thanks for reading my brain dump. I’m not sure what this all means right now, but it does feel like the beginning of a new era. I can’t wait to see what happens!